Only Fools Fall
by panicpeachpit
Summary: One-shot. "Honey smiles. 'I've got a boyfriend now.' 'Y-Yeah, same' Honey raises her eyebrow. 'Oh.' As moments pass and the silence descends into awkwardness, Ethan's stomach sinks. What the hell has he done?" - Rated G for (very) gay.


**a/n** : _i'm aware this is an over-used trope, and i really don't think i wrote this very well (like, at all), but i hope you still enjoy it._

* * *

 **Only Fools Fall**

 _I made you laugh_

 _and it was like the stars aligned_

 _and the heavens opened up._

 _I realised how much I adore you._

 _And that terrifies me._

\- _ais_

* * *

Granted, the noise in Holby's emergency department is deafening at the best of times. It's the sort that you'll gon home and still har in an empty department; the ringing of phones, echoing of footsteps down winding halls and beeping monitors. Yet today it seems to be worse. Ear-splitting, even. Ethan has been trying to write this paper for the last ten minutes but, over and over, there will be a clatter which will distract him, and his train of thought will be gone.

It's gotten worse. It's over-enthusiastic - squealing noises, alongside conversation, voices on top of eachother. Ethan waits it out until it starts to fade away, but curiosity gets the better of him so he wanders off to do some detective work. Admittedly, this distraction is almost welcoming. Work is fantastic apart from the times when it feels as though you're still doing it in your sleep.

Yet when he walks over to see what the prior commotion was about, the relief of a scenery change disappears. Oh, no.

Ex-girlfriend. That's his ex-girlfriend in the huddle.

And she's got another man beside her - new boyfriend?

 _Abort mission._

Ethan spins on his heel but it's too late. He's already been seen. She's calling over, those long nails waving. She looks the same as ever. Long, curled brown hair, thickened by extensions, and a tight dress matching her pink nails. Ethan wants to disappear behind the desk and hide behind Noel - who looks pained, knowing what's to come, yet happy to see her.

Most of the others have cleared off their enthusiastic welcomes by the time Ethan trudges over. Thank everything for that. The fewer people to witness this inevitable train crash, the better.

Honey opens her arms excitedly, and he is forced to walk into them. "Hello, you," Honey squeezes him tightly. It's a snake-like grip. Ethan almost gasps. "I saw you, trying to run off!"

"Run off? As if," Ethan says, breathless.

She releases him finally. "Oh, wow," her eyes look him up and down. They look sadly at him. "Looking as... fragile as I figured. What happened to finding your Honey?"

Fragile. Really? Ethan flinches. "I wouldn't say fragile."

Honey looks sympathetic as if she disagrees. Ethan squirms uncomfortably. "I'm very sorry about Cal, Ethan. I know it was sudden." As ever, she's to the point. Ethan's stomach pitches at just the name mention. She couldn't be that sorry. It wasn't like she showed up for the funeral.

"I-It's fine," no, it's not, but it's been a long time and Ethan is supposed to be over it. "So how's your business going?"

Honey eyes the man beside her. It's only then that Ethan properly notices him.

He's tall. Of course. With blue, icy, carefree eyes. It's like he's never witnessed anything bad in his life; he looks like the one who did the bad with a lopsided smirk on his face. An irresistible bad boy, the type Honey would lust over. Hands thrust in pockets, feet inches apart, he seems like the sort of man Honey should be going out with. The opposite of Ethan!

"I mean, I've had some help with it," she smiles, smitten, at the guy beside her. Ethan wills they don't kiss. He knows for a fact it'll be one of those open mouthed ones with an intense amount of tongue and his stomach likely can't take it. Fortunately they don't.

"But yeah, it's going better than I thought it could go. Life is perfect in Manchester." Great for her.

Then she asks the obvious question. Ethan can just tell his colleagues are listening in. "So... are you still single?"

Ethan could launch into a speech on how he's been dating - yet it feels redundant, as every relationship ended the same way. Horribly. He searches for the right thing to say, desperately wanting to seem the least pathetic he could.

Honey looks fondly over to the tall gentleman beside her, then back at Ethan, as if to brag. Honey smiles. " _I've_ got a boyfriend now."

"Y-Yeah, same!"

Honey raises her eyebrow. "Oh."

As moments pass and the silence descends into awkwardness, Ethan's stomach sinks. What the hell has he done?

* * *

Usually, like a perfectly normal functioning human, Ethan would go to the dead for advice; as you do. And that means Cal. He'd perch by the gravestone and ramble until eventually, he managed to find the right solution. Yet this time, he found himself going straight to Jacob with the smaller problems. He had been recently, actually.

It was stupid things. They'd work together more often, Jacob would always laugh at Ethan's jokes even if others didn't - and, let's face it, nobody ever does - and he was generally a fount of knowledge. Ethan just finds himself drawn to Jacob. It's like he just can't help it.

He's just so… nice. Well, no, actually, that doesn't do him justice. Nice is an insignificant word and a disservice. Jacob is magnificent and charming and fascinating, radiant, and he doesn't take much seriously at all. Least of all himself. And he seems to actually enjoy being with Ethan.

It seems to have blossomed over time. Ethan finds himself gazing at Jacob on occasion, and sometimes, he receives a smile in return. Most of the time, Jacob doesn't notice. Though Jacob hasn't resisted to any chance of a friendship starting.

It is so... innocent. Ethan appreciates the feeling of someone being there, unconditionally, for a laugh or for a pint. And it's been casual for a while. Partnering up at work, going for group drinks after work, being the occasional hand on shoulder for eachother, when the other person seems down, accompanied by a simple, "feeling okay?"

Despite all that, though, Jacob is not perfect; he has an awful habit of grinding his teeth, which Ethan has grown accustomed to telling him off for. And when Ethan is deep in thought, knee jogging, unable to work himself out of it, Jacob is there too. It's an unspoken support. And the teeth grinding isn't a deal breaker just like Ethan's… occasional _unhealthy_ mindset isn't one either. Jacob looks at Ethan as though he is something worth looking at.

Ethan has a new friend, and he likes that. Jacob is one of his favourite friends that he's ever had.

And that adoration strengthened the time Jacob noticed Ethan yawning, and then said, "yeah, being cute must be tiring." Ethan just about managed to stop blushing, because that is _not something a friend has ever said to him._

So of course, today, Ethan goes to him in a time of need. Jacob will know what to do. It seems like there's barely a time when he doesn't.

Today is no different. "SOS," Ethan splutters as he bursts into the staff room.

It's only Jacob in here, luckily. The way Ethan likes it. "Sounds urgent!"

"You won't believe it. You really won't."

"News travels fast, Ethan," Jacob stirs his coffee, the spoon bumping against the mug. "You know, everyone else knows you were lying, but Honey seems to have fallen for it. Hook line and sinker. Impressive work, mate."

"It most certainly isn't," Ethan says. "I don't know what to do! How on earth do you back on something like that?" Ethan rubs the creases out of his forehead, scrunching hard and they end up returning. "Now the entire ED thinks I'm gay!"

"Or bisexual."

Ethan shoots a look at him. "Don't."

"I don't know what you're getting all wound up about," Jacob says, laughing. "Nothing wrong with having a boyfriend."

"But I don't have one!"

"Would you like one?"

Ethan stares resolutely away from Jacob. "N-no," he manages. Firmer, shocked at his own lack of conviction, he repeats, "no."

"Shame. I was about to help you out. 'Spose if you don't want me to..."

Ethan drags his eyes up to Jacob's brown ones. "What kind of help?" It's a useless question. Ethan has seen enough cheesy romantic films to see this coming.

Jacob grins. It's a telltale sign he's enjoying this; Ethan's turmoil and regret. A sweet grin showing such glee, it makes Ethan want to... well, it makes him want to...

Definitely not kiss him. That's not a thing Ethan could possibly do. It makes Ethan want to hold his hand very tight. Too tight. So tight that it's unbearable. That would show him.

Ethan sighs despite himself. As though he's not fighting the flocks of butterflies, the ever-growing excitement, inside of him, unable to wait for what he knows Jacob will suggest."Go on, tell me."

That same grin. He is so having the time of his life. "I'm Jacob Masters and I shall be your boyfriend for a day," Jacob says, bowing. "You're very welcome." Ethan pretends to be annoyed, trying to get his mouth to deny this offer... but all his mouth can do is smile.

Jacob is such a _good_ _friend_.

* * *

The plan is going fine so far. There's been a few smirks, a couple moments of teasing, but Ethan has been delighted to note that people are wholly accepting. The ones that were fooled, anyway. Apparently, Ethan can be a bad liar. Yet Elle keeps giving Ethan little smiles like she knows something he doesn't.

Jacob has been positively amazing. He's done all the standard partner requirements. Brought lunch, shared a coffee, held his hand... it was all done with a smile on Jacob's face. It tones down whenever they're alone, but Jacob is quick to act loving as soon as Honey is in sight. Ethan can't even restrain his delight.

"Come on, honey," Jacob says as they walk in the lift together, letting Ethan in first.

Ethan bursts into laughter as the doors slide close. " _Honey_?"

"It's a pet name!"

"And my ex's name," Ethan says pointedly. "Since when were we doing pet names?" _And since when did I enjoy them?_

"Since now. I mean, are you even dating someone until you call them some form of endearment," Jacob says, lift grumbling under their feet. "The answer is no."

"Fine, you're the boss."

"Yeah, I am," Jacob says with a smile, "my babe. Sweetheart. Sugar..."

"You can stop now," Ethan says as the lift opens, but he's grinning. _Don't stop. Never stop._ Jacob squeezes his shoulder, laughs, and they walk down the hall together.

Ethan is intensely happy. Not just because of the pet names, the heart-melting smiles, or the shoulder squeeze. He loves it because Honey isn't even watching and this feels natural. Ethan loves this game.

The moment they see Honey, loved up with her boyfriend in the corner of the hall, Ethan freezes to a halt. His body stiffens. All lightness disappears and he's stuck, his head reminding him of everything he's trying to forget. Jacob seems carefree. He likely hadn't even noticed they are there.

"Oh no," Ethan turns, averting his eyes, to Jacob, alarmed. "What do we do?"

"Nothing. Who cares, boyfriend?"

"I do. I care." He hisses. "Evidently!"

"Relax, Ethan. There's no problems here."

Ethan looks at them; hands held, the boyfriend carding his fingers through her long hair, and feels sick. Such perfect lives. No game being played. Just… love. Simply love.

"It doesn't matter what an ex-girlfriend from years ago thinks of yo. Just like it doesn't matter what the others think, at all."

"No, I-I have to have this! One thing."

Jacob's brow furrows. "I don't get understand."

No. Jacob doesn't. Despite the fact Ethan finds Jacob far too attractive at times - he can't keep his eyes off him, honestly - he is upset that Jacob just doesn't understand. At all. It all makes perfect sense to Ethan. He truly knows, deep down, that in the eyes of everyone, he is the failure. Jacob doesn't get it.

Ethan's voice is a stern whisper. "I'm fragile, to her."

"Ethan-"

"The _poor old broken one_ without a family - the one they all pity, the one they know won't get anywhere because he's- because they think he's busy crying his eyes out at 4 AM because he regrets everything. Every little thing! The pathetic one who shatters. The lonely one. The one everyone is tired of!"

Jacob looks sad. "That is _not_ true. You do have people who don't think that way. You've got me."

Ethan ignores the 'you've got me' line. "It is. It is. That is who I am to her. To everyone. Don't you get it now?" He's too busy wanting to pull his hair out to hear Jacob calling his name, incessantly.

" _Ethan_."

He looks up.

And Jacob kisses him.

Oh. Okay then. Firstly... Ethan's head is mush. Maybe he should pull away, yet he just cannot. He doesn't care who's watching. He's too caught up in this. It's amazing. Mind-blowing. From the moment Jacob's lips crashed into his, Ethan should've known he was a goner. He's enchanted. Ethan tries to memorise the feeling of Jacob's lips on his, screwing his eyes closed, seeing only colours and sparks and fireworks. This is what he's been wanting! And, wow, this lives up to expectations.

Then they stop. It feels like a loss. Jacob takes a bit of Ethan's heart with him.

Honey is long since gone. As is her gaping boyfriend with the tall legs and the confident demeanour and perfectly stable brain. It is only those two, stood in a hallway, breathing hard. This wasn't part of the offer, Ethan thinks. And he certainly shouldn't have enjoyed this as much as he did.

Jacob speaks eventually. "No more pity parties. I'll have to do that again to shut you up otherwise." He's breathless. It's unbearably attractive.

Ethan finds himself smiling, nodding carefully, his forehead brushing Jacob's. Somehow that doesn't seem like a punishment at all.

It's getting better. Just like everyone said it would. No need for pity parties.

It's when Jacob jokingly links his arm through Ethan's, making him heat up, that Ethan realises he's falling for him. And quickly.

* * *

"Ooh, there you are, Holby's newest couple."

Iain laughs at Elle. "It's us. Engaged to be married." Ethan can't stop himself from smiling.

"So it is true," Elle says, leaning back into the sofa. The staff room is empty, and it's just her, cradling a cup of coffee. It's one of Ethan's favourite scents. "I thought Honey was just having me on," she says. "I should've known, Jacob. You never did have much luck with girls, did you?"

Jacob groans. "Don't bring Sam into this." Oh, oops. Ethan had entirely forgotten about that romance for a while there. Guess it was short-lived. _Sorry, Sam, he's mine now._

"Well, what about-"

" _Or_ Poppy. I was thirteen, let it go."

Elle smirks. "Never." She turns to Ethan, warmly smiling at him. He supposes he must look too happy, so he desperately tones it down a notch. But how can he not be happy? Jacob might actually like him!

Then, eventually, she asks the real question. "You're not really together, are you? This is all just so Honey doesn't know about the little lapse of truth?"

Ethan waits. His fingers crossed behind his back. Please.

Jacob laughs. He... actually _laughs_. "No. It's just a bit of fun. We're definitely not dating, Elle." And with that, it feels like something has broken. Ethan feels a deep hurt inside his chest and wants to leave immediately because he's sure the pain is radiating off of him.

No, no. Please, no.

' _You have me.'_ Was that not true? Ethan had been searching for signs. He'd seen a stop sign but disguised it as something else, because he couldn't handle stopping, and… he hates himself for this.

He was so sure. Too sure. Ethan despises himself for growing confident in the fact that Jacob could actually like someone like him. Someone with intense issues, prone to pity parties, someone who is an acquired taste, perhaps. Yet, evidently, he doesn't. That hurts.

People flood into the staff room. Elle's mouth opens a fraction as though she's going to speak. Then there's too much noise and listening ears. Her eyes meet Ethan's. The big smile of hers is gone. Just like Ethan's. It's like she's as disappointed as he is.

Impossible. Ethan feels so crushed that he can almost feel himself shattering.

Elle stands. Ethan takes a step back. Jacob is too busy chatting to Iain, unaware of what he's caused. It seems like Elle is going to address this but Ethan can't stand to be outed. He blinks furiously and slips away, silent, and knows that Jacob won't notice if he's gone. Nor will he care.

* * *

Ethan feels tears fall down his cheeks and is ashamed of himself. He shouldn't be crying. It's entirely unnecessary and illogical; and, additionally, this entire situation is his own fault so it's wrong to play the victim.

Ethan knows something for certain now - there is no such thing as _love_.

And yet he wasn't _in love_ with Jacob. He _wasn't_! But maybe he did love him just a little. The same way he loves Lily or Charlie or, back when they were close, Connie.

The point still stands. Love doesn't exist. It's a stupid fickle word that doesn't mean anything because half the people that say it are liars. Jacob never said it and Ethan took for granted that, maybe, perhaps, possibly, he might one day.

Either it is unrequited or dies when someone falls out of it. It always crashes and burns. _You should never fall in love_ , Cal said once, after a couple pints and a nasty breakup. _Falling out of it is too painful_. Yet he never learns from his mistakes as he should do.

The hope had felt amazing. The lightness in his steps, the smile he couldn't shift... hope that this was going to work. But it is just a silly crush. Ethan shouldn't have put his heart into it. Don't rely on others for joy. They only let you down.

In the mirror, he sees a red-faced, crying little him. Puddles of tears on his cheeks. It's a vision he's used to. Though it makes him feel weak. He never used to cry so much! Ethan used to be so good at keeping himself in check, he was the robot one. Now he's letting his heart break in a public place where anybody could walk in. Ethan wants to, once again, wear his emotions like a necklace and tuck it into his shirt so nobody can see them.

As expected, there's a push of the bathroom door. At Holby, it's usually flooding with people; on average you usually have about two minutes and a half to cry before you're walked in on. Less if people are concerned or if it's a weekend. Ethan has used up his time. He viciously swipes his tears and busies himself with washing his already spotlessly clean hands.

"Hey, where'd you go?" _Jacob_. He can't be in here. Ethan's emotions threaten to rise to the surface. "Turned around and you'd gone." The gentle concern makes him

Ethan shrugs his shoulders, unable to speak. He keeps washing his hands. They're pink from the heat of the burning water.

"Aw. Is this our first lovers' tiff? Should I buy flowers?"

"You just don't get it." Ethan is aware he's being ridiculous. Of course Jacob doesn't get it. There's nothing to get. No wonder Jacob doesn't want him.

 _No, it's because he's straight, you fool! Someone shows you the tiniest bit of affection and you're head over heels._

 _No, no! Not head over heels._

 _Well… maybe._

Jacob sounds genuinely bewildered. "Get what?"

Ethan shakes his head roughly. "Nothing. Nothing at all. Forget I said anything."

"Have I done something wrong?"

"Please, no more questions."

Jacob watches as Ethan scrubs at his hands with paper towels. He scrunches them into little balls and drops them into the bin. Ethan doesn't look up, knowing his bloodshot eyes will give it away. He's trying to push out of the bathroom when Jacob calls him back.

"Ethan, I..."

"What?"

"Nothing. Nevermind."

Ethan should've known. Aching, he leaves the room, doing his best to keep up false pretences that he isn't shattering. He should've known - only fools fall. And he is a fool, now and forever.

* * *

Sometimes, Jacob is truly done with _himself_. Just in general. He doesn't take much seriously. This? This is an example of something he has done carelessly.

Yet he cannot... _confess_ to Ethan. He just can't.

"And why is that?"

Jacob groans into his hands. "Stop honing on into my thoughts."

"That's impossible. Anyway, anybody could sense what you were thinking about. You were so obviously thinking that."

"Not really, Elle."

"Alright. Maybe I know you too well," she pauses. Barely anybody is around now - the admin desk is mainly unoccupied, people are too distracted with their work and own lives to listen in. She leans in. "You need to confess."

"I can't."

"It's hurting you not to," Elle says. "And it's hurting him too."

"It isn't," Jacob denies, yet he remembers the tear trails on Ethan's face and feels worse. Of course it was. He'd lead Ethan on, anybody who put the clues together would take that as a hint. Jacob was calling Ethan boyfriend, for goodness sake, and he kissed him!

Elle nudges him. "Jacob Masters, you either tell him how you feel or, God help me, I will lock you both in a cupboard together."

"Please don't. That's about as cliche as this entire drama."

Jacob isn't looking at her, but he can hear the smile in her voice.

"This doesn't need to be painful, Jacob. It's just love. Love never killed anyone."

"Wrong. I don't know where you heard that."

"What are you so afraid of, huh?"

"I..." Jacob squeezes his fists into little balls. He loosens, then sighs. "I don't know. This isn't me, Elle."

"No. It isn't."

"I can't be with someone."

"Why not?"

"It always starts so promising. Then it ends," Jacob meets her eyes sadly. "I don't want to start this, because I know it's only a matter of time before it ends. And I don't..." he groans. "I don't want to lose him."

Elle smiles. "If it ends, it ends. But don't worry about getting hurt. Trust me. Break-ups suck, but you know what sucks more? Hiding these feelings and always wondering What If."

"I hate the What Ifs."

"Yeah, me too," Elle says. "But hey - there's an easy way to get rid of them. Ask him out. We tend to regret what we don't do. So do it, or I swear, I will do the cupboard thing!"

Jacob smiles. Elle rubs his shoulder. She's a good friend. Jacob has been entirely convinced by her, because she's right, as ever. Jacob has to confess; with words, with actions, anything.

Jacob just has to tell Ethan that he has fallen for him.

* * *

They continue pretences for the rest of the day. Ethan has remained relatively distant to avoid being unintentionally hurt again. Jacob seems different too; more shifty, more questionable, as if he's harbouring something. Ethan doesn't ask.

At the end of their shift, Honey and her boyfriend leave after the second crowd for the day with many goodbyes sending them on their way. Jacob and Ethan's fake relationship comes to a halt. They're teased mercilessly as they both make their way out of the building, but neither laugh properly. Only smiles, which are easy to fake.

Jacob pulls Ethan aside before they reach the pub. Ethan was desperate to drink away this feeling, as he likely wouldn't be able to slink home without being questioned, but he couldn't say no when Jacob asked to talk. He didn't quite have it in him.

"Everything alright?"

Jacob shakes his head. "Not at all."

Ethan feels awful for Jacob. "Oh. What is-"

"I've got something to tell you, Ethan."

His heart freezes. Immediately, he begins to get excited. Yet it dies in record time. If there's anything today has taught him, it's that getting your hopes up always results in sadness and disappointment. So he squashes that ridiculous little thing down called hope.

"But… not here."

"Where?" Ethan asks. "Mine?" He begins to wring his hands at the thought of Jacob being in his flat. Getting the grand old 'I don't like you in that way' speech in his own kitchen, so he won't ever be able to look at room the same way again.

"Yeah, okay. Look, stop doing that," he reaches out and untangles Ethan's hands. For a moment, Jacob holds them. Loosely, and tenderly. Jacob's eyes look down at their conjoined hands and Ethan thinks maybe he should pull away.

Iain walks by and wolf whistles. They quickly drop each others hands as if they're red hot.

Ethan looks at Jacob. Kind brown eyes, gentle, soft lips… hands that hold Ethan's so lovingly, like they're the most precious thing he could ever hold. Ethan can't deny this anymore.

"Jacob?" Ethan says. "I've got something to tell you too."

* * *

Ethan has found he is either silent when upset, or extremely talkative. Today, he is talkative. Jacob can't get a word in. He just keeps going.

"Excuse the plants," Ethan says as they manage to step past the many ones that he has adopted as his own green (and leafy) children. "They had a sale on."

Jacob smiles quickly, and Ethan recognises that smile. It's a nervous little one. He decides to keep talking to soften their harsh nerves.

"Would you like a cup of tea? Or a coffee? There's no water as the bill is- oh, dear, that means no coffee or tea either, doesn't it?"

Jacob doesn't reply.

"Marvellous," Ethan says, mainly to himself. They stand in the kitchen together, which seems remarkably empty. It isn't a particularly big kitchen, two people should be more than enough to fill it, yet there seems so much room between them. Ethan feels uneasy.

"Do you… want an apple?"

"Ethan," Jacob says, so softly that the entirety of Ethan's attention is subsequently directed to him.

Equally as quietly, he says, "Yes?"

Jacob takes a step forward. His lips part, and Ethan swears they're shaking. Then whatever he was gearing himself up to say is pushed back. Jacob reaches forward surprisingly and he has to hold back a noise of shock.

"You've got a smudge of sauce on your forehead."

"Oh. How embarrassing," Ethan quickly laughs. He enjoys the feeling of Jacob's hand on his forehead, how soft it is from a man usually seen as so rough.

"And impossible. Magic, even."

 _Just like my feelings for you._ Ethan looks down as they stand in a semi-comfortable silence. The hanging clock seems to tick audibly. Just a reminder of the passing time which has gone by with nothing to show for it.

Eventually, Ethan turns and pulls out two bottles of whisky. "Let's get drunk. Really drunk." He's aware this isn't him but he honestly doesn't care.

"Whisky?" Jacob moves closer, his chest against Ethan's back. He reaches high into the cupboard and pulls out wine. "I might be the older one here, but I'll never trust the people who say that whisky tastes better when you grow up. It really doesn't."

Ethan realises he hates whisky too. Very much so. "Wine, then."

"Wine."

Jacob takes a step back and Ethan begins to pour. Back to Jacob, he fills two glasses. His hands are trembling and he can't wait to down these glasses, to finish off these bottles.

"I appreciate what you did today, Jacob," Ethan says eventually after he's closed the doors softly. "I'm aware I didn't thank you, and I apologise for that."

"What did I do?"

"The whole… fake boyfriend thing," Ethan gestures strangely, then seizes his hands together in embarrassment. "The reasons might've seemed weird and overly sentimental, but it means a lot that you'd do it. I think we managed to fool everyone that we were in a relationship!" _Including myself._

"It's fine, really."

"No, I-"

"Ethan, just look at me."

Obediently, he does as he's told. Jacob is stood in the middle of the kitchen, hands shoved into pockets, eyes looking into Ethan's.

Jacob speaks first.

"I need to tell you-"

Ethan accidentally speaks at the same time.

"Can I ask you-"

They pause in their tracks. Both smile. They're ridiculous.

"After you," they say, and then blush.

"You go," Jacob says.

"Okay," Ethan says quickly, before he loses the courage. He holds it close to his chest. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course," Jacob says, suddenly concerned. "Anything."

It's that which makes Ethan want to crumble. He doesn't. Instead, he stares at Jacob's lips, trying to make his own work, but he's stuck. Dumbfounded. "I..."

"Just take your time, okay?"

Ethan sighs shakily. "No. No, no, you said you had something to tell me. You go first."

"I want to hear what you have to say. Go on."

"Okay, I…" He shakes his head roughly. "Can you close your eyes?"

The corner of Jacob's mouth lifts slightly into a smile. "What? That's not a confession."

"Your eyes. Close them," Ethan feels himself blushing. "Please."

Jacob does as he's told without further questions. His eyelashes lay flat against his cheek. Lips slightly parted, Ethan feels breathless. He takes a few steps forward.

No. He has to ask. "Jacob."

"Yeah?" He cracks his eyes open a little.

"Can I kiss you?"

The answer isn't said. Instead, Jacob moves as though he's definitely going to kiss him; which would be amazing, if Ethan didn't want to get there first. He moves faster and then they're crashing against eachother, roughly. He had expected rejection, but instead, he's greeted with enthusiasm. Jacob puts his hands on Ethan's waist, as though that's naturally where they go, and he doesn't pull away.

Ethan does. "I'm sorry, are you definitely su-" Jacob doesn't let him finish.

Muffled, he mumbles, "You don't know how long I've wanted this." His hands are in Ethan's hair now.

"You have? Really"

Jacob smiles against their kiss. "Really." They stop for a moment, Jacob brushing a thumb over Ethan's lips. It's tender. Ethan wants to cry.

"I thought you felt differently. I mean, with Elle, I-I figured."

"People lie to themselves, Ethan. I was lying. I just thought, what's the point of falling in love..."

"..if you're going to fall out of it."

"Yeah," Jacob says sadly "Exactly."

Cautiously and frightened, Ethan asks, "are you still unsure?"

"No. Not at all. I don't think we're going to ruin this. I don't think it's going to go away."

Ethan smiles. He is melted by Jacob's eyes. This is what he wants. This is the good happening; the good people kept mentioning to spur him on, telling him that better days are coming. These are the better days.

Shyly, Ethan looks down. "Kiss me again?"

"I'd love to."

* * *

 _Dedicated to InfinityAndOne_

 _This fic reminds me of one you sent me for Xmas (though yours is a million times better), so this is dedicated to you dude - thank you for inspiring me, as ever, and generally being the best._


End file.
